Woofling my fur-less bipeds,
As I barked before, during the time I was growing up, I had to get accustomed to many human habits and behaviour… but none was as confusing as “Pride”, and I am not talking about the kind of pride a human could feel when achieving something good, like when my hooman’s mate comes back to the den and boasts about… “making a real killing today” and then my hooman telling him that “… OOOH I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!”
Personally this whole scenario is also difficult for me to grasp, not so much the pride part… but the fact that despite my hooman’s mate claiming that he successfully provided for his pack… I never seen him coming home carrying the fruit of his hunt!!!
Neither am I talking about when my hooman feels proud when she has finished one of her “drawing”… whatever… drawings are…
No, I am talking about the negative side of pride.
I have witnessed this peculiar conduct on several occasions, but never was it so obvious as that day…
To be fair, I have to start just a few sun ups before the day in question… I began noticing, or sensing to be more exact, a certain amount of irritation between my hooman and her mate, it presented itself in different way, under breath growlings, occasional barkings… but I wasn’t over concerned… things like that are normal, even in the K9 world sometimes disputes happen and we deal in more or less the same way… but unless there is a life or death situation, this is where the similarities end.
Why do I groan this?
Well the day of my observation, was a resting day, hoomans have a couple of sun ups now and then where they relax and recharge, they call it weekend… but unlike other “weekends”, my hooman was not resting at all, she was running around like a hunted rabbit moving things here and there…
That is when it happen… the underlying irritation I felt all week suddenly exploded as if she were rabid.
“ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A HAND TO FIX THE KITCHEN CUPBOARD OR WHAT???”
“GIVE ME A BREAK IT’S SUNDAY!!!”
“WELL IT’S SUNDAY FOR ME TOO… SO WHY SHOULDN’T I HAVE A REST!?”
They really got their tail in a twist… I was sitting in the middle of a storm, one that didn’t look like easing off anytime soon…
They kept barking, howling and growling at each other…
“WHY SHOULD YOU BE TIRED, YOU SIT ON YOUR BUTT ALL DAY!!!” My hooman mate arfed
“HOW DEAR YOU!!!! I DO NOT SIT ON MY BUTT ALL DAY!!!” My hooman whined back..
Thing is… she did, so why not admit it… PRIDE!
“HOW ABOUT YOU?” She counterattacked
“WHAT ABOUT ME???”
“WELL… I’LL SAY… YOU ARE ALWAYS LAYING DOWN WATCHING… THAT… THAT DAMN.. BOX!!!”
“I DO NOT… I ONLY SIT DOWN LATE AT NIG…”
Again, this was confusing, whenever my hooman mate came home after his “theoretical” kill, he seemed to spend a lot of time studding a noisy funny looking object in the corner of the room, but once more… denial… PRIDE!
This back and forth barking carried on and on, so… a little worried they would become mad at me too, (after all... I sat on my tail and laid in my bed an awful lot of the time), I hid under the sofa and sadly waited for it to stop, but even when the worst of it did… the underbreath growlings continued on, unlike dogs, who try to resolve differences as quickly and painlessly as possible, unless, as I said before, it is a life and death situation, instead it seemed to me that humans keep attacking one another as a mean to look stronger, whilst all along, to me at least, they both looked lost and weak!
“WHERE IS MY BISCUIT?” My hooman called
Here we go… I was road kill!!!
“I DON’T KNOW… YOU PROBABLY SCARED HIM OFF WITH ALL YOUR SHOUTING”
I had no intention of coming out of my hiding hole…
“OH There you are!!” she said spotting me
“Busted!!!” I thought this was a hunter proof hiding spot
Bracing for my turn to be barked up I slowly crawled out…
“Com’on my Biscuit”, she said to me, “let’s go for a walk to get some fresh air and get away from SOME INDIVIDUALS…” (And here, although still woofling to me, she paused and looked at her mate, then continued growling) “...that call themselves men… what a joke!!!”
While she got ready for this get-away walk, my hooman’s mate sat next to me and patted me on the head, obviously I was in the clear, neither were mad at me.
“Not to worry my little chap, is probably just her time of the month!”
“HMPH!!! MEN!!!", she snarled, "JUST FIX THE CUPBOARD LIKE YOU PROMISED ME!!!”
With that growl, we left the den for an unscheduled walkies.
Don’t get me wrong, I was enjoying my impromptu outing, but my hooman was still piqued, not only I smelled her frustration, but her behaviour during the walkies was a little different.
Normally she would talk to me and enjoy her surrounding, but today she was doing a lot of...quiet... and, head down, she walked briskly.
We just turned the corner, we were not going to the park, apparently we were heading into the human settlement.
Between you and me this was not my favourite stroll, on my left there was a tall wall and on my right the vroom-vroom way… and that is a no go area if you wanted to keep all the fur on your tail. We’d been walking about an hour, when suddenly in a mix of anger and desperation she moaned loudly
“Honestly… all I asked him is to fix the cupboard!!! Why is it that when you need a man around, there never seems to be one???”
At that very moment a dark figure landed not twenty paws ahead of us, it was so unexpected that my hooman stopped on her tracks, instinctively locking the lead and pulling me back, not that I put up any resistance, if I’d been a cat, the fright alone would have burnt at least three lives!!!
“TRY AND DO THAT IF YOU DARE!!!” The figure shouted, and suddenly more and more lumps were falling all around us..
“NO PROBLEM MATE… SEE I HAVE DONE IT”
“MEE TOO!!”
It was literally raining men all around us, I never seen anything like it before or after, I was completely baffled…
By now I was aware of little spill, (what my hooman calls the drinky falling from the above), but what in the world of ticks and flees was this???
Maybe my hooman’s wish had just come true… she needed men… well… here they were…
To make things worse we now heard a vroom vroom approaching and it was howling!!! It screeched and stopped right next to us.
“Hearing the howling, the humans that just spilled from the up, bounced off and back up the wall in a way I never seen humans do… and as quick as they appeared, they were gone!”
Thank Dog I already went out this morning, because I became so frightened that I could have easily Big wee-weed myself.
My hooman who knew, picked me up and cuddled me, at the very same time two human wearing matching coats jumped out of the noisy vroom vroom.
“ARE YOU OK MA’AM??”
“… yes… yes… thank you” My hooman answered “… who were they?”
While one of the coated human uselessly tried to keep up with the bouncy humans, the other, no doubt realizing that you can’t outran a gazelle… stayed with us and explained
“… they are a parkour group we have been trying to capture for a while now, but as you witnessed, it isn’t an easy task!”
“No… not easy at all… parkour you say? I didn’t realize it was illegal”
“It is actually, most parkour groups practice their activities in designated areas, but renegade groups like the one that just rained down on you, pose a threat to citizens… you were lucky, they could have landed on your head… or…” and he looked at me, still cradled in my hooman embrace “… or on this cute little chap… God forbid!”
As he said this, my hooman squeezed me a little tighter as if protecting me from an event that never was.
“Anyway, since you are ok Ma’am… mind how you go”
My hooman didn’t put me back down until we were clear of the big wall.
“Let’s go home my Biscuit, I have had enough of useless men indoors as well as outdoors!”
We got back to the den and found my hooman mate fast asleep on the sofa…
“See my Biscuit? Useless… com’on, let’s have a cupper and a treat”, she said in defeat.
We walked through to the kill-prepping area of the den and the cupboard that had caused all this trouble looked as good as new… for the second time today my hooman stopped in her tracks.
“OH!” She simply whimpered...
Yep… it looked like her mate was not all that useless after all!!!
Till our next woofling,
Lots of licks,
Biscuit
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